Fake Bacon Tastes Like Fake Bacon

After my allergen binge, you know, when I decided to make a lifestyle change, I went to the store to get some food.  It was 10:30pm...  My choices were pretty much limited but I was going to find some food I could eat "safely".  I went to Walmart.  In Alaska, we lack a couple of things, first off places that are open 24 hours.  We have Walmart and Carrs.  I got a cart, spent 2 hours looking for corn/dairy/etc free food.  I was getting very frustrated looking at everything I used to be able to eat and finding corn in it.  When I was almost done with the store (2 hours later) I looked in my cart and thought, "Hmmm, I did okay.  I have quite a bit of food in here".  Well, $137 and 2 hours later, when I got home and took it out of the 5 bags, I was sadly mistaken.  I decided to put it all on the counter so I could see at a moments notice what I could eat, until I got used to this whole new lifestyle.  It was depressing.  Everything I could eat, neatly surrounded my straw holder.  It was like my corn free food was sitting around worshiping the straws that I probably can't use anymore because of something corny!  I got depressed!

I finally found an allergic to corn forum and joined it!  This is where I learned about Passover!  I love Passover!  I went to Carrs and found the Kosher "isle".  I found dark chocolate, marshmallows, cakes, cookies, all sorts of sweet stuff, but not stuff that would be good for me to eat.  I did find the organic isle though.  Let me get one thing straight though, just because it's organic doesn't mean it is corn/dairy free.  I read a lot of labels these days!  I found some good stuff though.  I found more fake cheese, fake bacon, fake sour cream, fake ice cream, tator tots that are not doused in corn syrup to help them brown, pita chips, and many more things.  It was amazing!  Another $95.00 and 3 bags later, I thought I had food again.  I thought wrong...again! 

I tried the ice cream, it's not so bad, but it's not so good either.  The bacon is good, with something, like a BLT or on a breakfast burrito.  It is not good at all by itself!  The cheese, leaves a lot to be desired.  The taste isn't so bad, it's the aftertaste.  Oh yeah, it also doesn't melt!  And for $4.00 for 12 slices it should not only melt, but be cooking itself!    I keep rationalizing that I will soon forget what real food tastes like and be happy with my new taste buds and fake food.  I just want to know when this day will come!